got to get a new pair of shoes

[uncritical]

They both have an apartment with their name on it. But they have been, more or less, sharing the one that Bolin spent his first night in. Not contently, of course, but it feels as close to home to him because of it than any other place in all of Darrow.

And Korra spends most of her nights in the bed or on the couch, depending on where she falls asleep, and Bolin is glad to let her, easily stealing a blanket and a pillow for wherever else for himself. He isn't picky if he has to be not picky. Sharing a dry bathtub and some old blankets for a couple of hours with Mako in someone else's crowded apartment was half of his childhood.

And he likes that he can come back from whatever he's got to do during the day and find Korra there, waiting impatiently for him. He especially hopes to find her today - he's been shopping, and mostly for her. He's not afraid to spend some of the mystery money that's there for them, from wherever.

Hiking the bags up his arms, he leans his hip against the door to slide the key into the lock and turn it sideways, just enough to manhandle the knob around awkwardly and push himself into the apartment with goods in tow.

"Korra?" he calls, trying not to sound too expectant. Or excited. He knows it stresses most people in his life situation out, but Bolin really likes shopping.

"You in here?"

Comments

[uncritical]

Bolin's eyes don't rove at all this time, for better or worse. He just steps forward, unpacking some of the things from one of the other bags - just a couple pairs of unisex gray sweatpants, easily claimable by either of them. Stark contrast, maybe, to the dress that still sits with the other very blue items.

He's nice and fun. That's great. That doesn't really tell him what he isn't that Mako is, but he doesn't really need to be told. She doesn't owe him any explanations, and he doesn't really expect one ever. He knows having one would just make things worse, probably.

And you just don't do that to a friend. And that's what they are. And it's not that he's even unhappy about the state of things. But maybe he needs more time to get over it than he keeps telling himself he does. It feels so ... disrespectful of her. It feels dumb, too.

"You know I love you, right?" he asks, not demanding, or suggesting, but timid with intended comfort. Trying to cover up his obvious hang-up with a flippant declaration that they never clicked is clearly not the right answer. Maybe honesty suits him better. "Like family. I'm glad I get to say that. I just don't want you to be mad if I do because we haven't even known one another a whole year and you think my opinion of you is. Inflated."

[unrestraint]

She flops back down onto the couch when Bolin starts to unpack the rest of the bags he has in tow, pulling the one he'd kept separate for her onto her lap and idly peeking through the bag — not seeing any of the garments, really, but instead at least giving herself something to do. In and out she breathes, cheeks still faintly pink and overly warm as she listens to all that he has to say. It's at once not familiar and yet achingly so, because if they're family, they've been that for months now. Hearing it, however, is another thing.

And only something she can come to expect from Bolin, it seems.

"Well, I... I think that it is. I don't know. I think Republic City has it right when they point out that I don't really know what I'm doing, and I don't even know how to be a normal kid because of the way that I grew up. I didn't know how to budget or anything like that, not until I met you and Mako," mutters Korra, tugging the dress out of the bag and laying it over her knees. "I'm not trying to get terribly down on myself and I'm not mad that you think all these great things about me, it's just not always easy to see all of them. I know that I could kick butt at pro-bending, I'll give you that, but... I don't know. I guess I'm just not as confident anymore."

Her toes nudge into the carpet of the apartment. "It's just. Sometimes I feel like I need to talk to someone, like I need advice on how to be a girl or how to handle everything that comes with just being a girl, all the Avatar stuff aside. I kind of had that with Pema, but even then, I don't know if her situation was anything like mine. It's all just. Really confusing."

[uncritical]

When Korra takes a seat, so does he, finishing his unpacking up and leaving the small pile of clothes where it sits. He dumps himself down in the middle of the coffee table in front of the couch, his knee barely brushing her naked one. For the moment, while she talks, it's all he'll allow himself.

"Me and Mako aren't normal," he reminds her, wryness sneaking to the surface again, as it does, on rare occasion. It isn't like Bolin's never realized this. Or that Korra isn't normal, either. But that's why he loves her. She's special. He knew it way before he ever knew she was the Avatar. "I just think that you need to give yourself more credit, and stop ... comparing yourself to other people." Which is a big fat load of coincidental, given how Bolin knows he's felt this whole conversation. Wanting to know what it is he didn't measure up to compared to the guy Korra's clearly in love with.

"Maybe you just need friends that aren't me and Mako. Or polar bear dogs. I'm not trying to take a dig, Korra, seriously, but maybe if you just ... meet some other friends, people who are totally separate from all the other stuff. And who, you know, weren't ever convinced you were dating them. That might help."

[unrestraint]

There's a part of Korra that wants to whine and stamp her foot a little. Just a little. It's not her typical way of dealing with things, nor is it something that she'd easily abide in herself, but there's still that petulant voice that says — she's not even sure how to begin. Genuinely. She has no idea how to start making friends, has no idea where to even look, has no idea how to replicate the circumstances under which she met Bolin. Sneak into an arena with pro athletes?

Does she even need more pro athletes in her life right now?

"Yeah, okay," she says instead, exhaling as she rubs at the back of her neck, cheeks now flushed with something like shame. She stares at their knees, just barely pressed one against the other. Maybe that's just better for everyone involved, right? If she can figure out how to get along with people. Which seems to be the greater problem.

"You know that I'm still sorry, right? About what happened. I shouldn't have kissed Mako like that. For multiple reasons, really," she says, raising her brows and shaking her head at herself. If only she'd known Asami better at that point. If only she'd known Mako better, Bolin better. Too many 'if only's to count.

[uncritical]

Bolin can't take the way she looks now, truly. She's always so strong-willed and vibrant, he doesn't begrudge her even a little any of her weaknesses - he knows he's pretty much the winner by a landslide in that department, out of all of them - but it's rough to see. He doesn't know what she'll accept from him as comfort, and how much of it. But he's all she's got right now, and he's got to give her something.

He settles on moving himself to the couch cushion beside her, slouching over to rest the side of his head against her shoulder.

"Yeah, I know," he says, plaintive and small-voiced. "But I don't need you to be. I don't regret a single moment of knowing you. We had as much fun as people can have with each other and not get arrested for it. Right? I'm the one that should be sorry. I should have just told you how I felt. Because you just showed up out of nowhere and I felt like we were perfect for one another. But it doesn't matter if you don't feel the same way. So I'm telling you now: this is how I feel. I love you and I want you to be safe and happy. I want Mako to be safe and happy, too. That's good enough for me. So don't be sorry."

[unrestraint]

There are some parts of Korra's life that fit together like puzzle pieces. Parts that have been outlined carefully to her, explained and placed by one another since she was a child. But these matters of the heart have never been part of that careful, multi-decade plan. It's something that doesn't hold steady across the reincarnations of the Avatar, something that doesn't hold steady across different people, period. She wishes that it would all slot together a little more easily. That Mako wouldn't have any feelings for her at all, or that she might be able to forget her own towards him, or that Bolin wouldn't have to be hurt in the process. Only a second passes of that comforting weight on her shoulder before she leans her own head over, resting against the top of his.

"We are perfect for one another," says Korra quietly, gaze growing a bit blurred and distant as she exhales deeply. "You, me. Mako. Asami. I don't want to imagine life without you guys, you know? I went so many years being the only person my age and never had any way of knowing what I was missing. But now I know what it's like, and I don't want to go back. I don't want you to feel sorry either, because you were the first guy who liked me, and I guess it makes me selfish, but it felt good. Feels a whole lot better than being constantly turned down."

Chewing on her lip, Korra shakes her head minutely. "Whatever. I don't think I have space in my head for any of that right now. All I know is that I love you too, Bolin, and I really, really need to figure out how to get my bending back. And I'm trusting you to keep me on the right track."

[uncritical]

Somehow, hearing Korra say it makes all the difference: they are perfect for one another. Maybe not to be together, but certainly to be together, all of them. It's just enough to validate what he's felt inside for a long time. That there's a them, and there ought to be a them - Korra is special, and she needs the loving support of companions her own age.

The White Lotus is great, but they're not Korra's friends.

"I still like you because you're still great - and we're gonna figure out how to get the rest of your Avatar bending back. I don't know anything about the Avatar except what I've read, but I've read a lot--" he does turn a little pink at admitting what must already have been plain "--and I just ... have a good feeling, about you, and about the universe. That if you need it, you're going to get it back. There wouldn't be an Avatar if the Avatar was just going to be left out to hang like ... like forgotten laundry. You're not going to be forgotten because of what Amon did to you, Korra. I know there's a right track. And we're going to make sure the Korra train gets on it at the station. This place could be the place to start, so. Keep your hopes up and be patient, okay?"

He sits up again to try to catch her eyes. "I just wanted to try to take care of worrying about everything else," he says, tilting his head at the messy stacks of neatly-folded clothing and towels.

[unrestraint]

She starts to wonder if Bolin might know more than she does about the cycle. Because Korra's never paid overly much attention to all of that history — she always figured that she could fight her way through any uncertainty, use a little force to keep everyone in line. The past few months have made pretty clear that such isn't the case, and that the wisdom of Avatars past is something that Korra needs to have access to. Unfortunately, meditating hasn't gotten her much of anywhere, simply thrumming over her skin and almost highlighting all of the aches and itching that need attending to. She's probably no better than Meelo on that front.

So if she doesn't know... maybe Bolin does. Maybe there's some other Avatar that had a hard time adjusting in the beginning and floundered for a few years before picking up the slack. That's all this is, right? She's not out for the count; she has decades to live yet.

"It's hard to get down for too long when there's someone constantly trying to pull me higher," Korra remarks lightly, head tilted and gaze fond as she glances Bolin's way. "And hey, at least now we have our closets and bathroom figured out. Which probably leaves... the kitchen."

[uncritical]

When her gaze catches his again, he doesn't drop his face. He offers Korra a smile in return, a little more shy than it might normally be, but just as honest. He fingers fidget with the fabric of the tails of his shirt laying on his lap.

"I don't really know what to do with a kitchen. I was sort of banking on takeout until I couldn't afford it. And then maybe a forced diet for a little while. I do dishes, that's pretty much the extent of my food preparation ability."

[unrestraint]

As always, the immediate remark that comes to mind is one that pokes fun at Mako's expense — that cooking can't be that difficult if Mako's capable of it several times a day. There's just a certain pleasure that comes from momentarily knocking down the ego of someone normally so put-together, and someone who seems to enjoy lording over them whenever possible.

But Mako isn't around. And that changes everything.

"Well... I sometimes watched the cooks down at the South Pole, but the only easy dishes are, like. Stewed sea plums. And I don't know if they have those around here. They definitely don't have South Pole animals around, judging by the looks Naga gets," muses Korra, tilting her head. "Actually, I've seen a few people around with dogs. Can you imagine that? Just... dogs."

[uncritical]

"Oh, oh," Bolin says, raising a hand like a classroom student with an answer for a familiar topic. "I went to the pet store the other day, to look for toys for Pabu. Although I didn't buy anything, I promise. But you should see the things they have there, seriously. Just cats, too. And rabbits, whatever a rabbit it."

He seems, rather than confused or disturbed, rather pleased about this state of things. "It was a learning experience. Which is probably nothing new since ... every day ... since the first days ... has been the same way. You know what, I'm going to manage my enthusiasm over here. We'll go out and get the things we need for the kitchen. Soon. Together? And then eventually, I figured I should look for a job. Please don't get mad at me. Or tell me no. Even though I'm not saying that this subject isn't up for discussion, I'm just saying ... "

He doesn't know what he's just saying. As much as he's able to almost infinitely grin and bear things, the steady pay of the last year had ensured a steady loft apartment and life without uncomfortable cold or overly lean meals.

[unrestraint]

In the same way that Korra isn't always able to keep up with Jinora's endless chatter, right now she finds herself struggling to keep up with Bolin as well, head tilted and brows raised as he continues on about learning experiences and kitchen wares and jobs. And, apparently, Korra getting mad at Bolin. Which she doesn't personally think is enough of an issue to warrant being told to refrain in a fast-paced slew of too many words. (She isn't mad at Bolin all that often, right? He's not Tenzin. He's also not Mako. As far as the others go, Korra figures that Bolin's probably the one she rails at least.)

"Uhh..." she says, tilting her head and slowly processing everything, even if a few seconds late. "Well, personally I actually think that I'd be more willing to trust the money that we actually work for. What I don't necessarily trust is your ability to pick out the right job—" Korra levels a look, brow highly raised. "—but if I'm with you the whole time, I guess that lessens the odds that we start working for, like. The Darrow equivalent of the Triad."

Her lips press into a small smile, teasing and knowing all at once.

She doesn't really mean to make Bolin feel bad about his judgment, but, well. His judgment could indeed sometimes use a bit of work.

[uncritical]

Bolin lets go of the breath he's been holding in one sigh when Korra gives her answer, which is, all things considered, very Korra. Expected. But, at the same time, not entirely familiar, not the usual flow of how those sorts of conversations have tended to go for Bolin. Of course, he'd only ever had conversations like this ... with one other person. And that person would have been looking for a good reason to shut him down.

"Sorry," he says, apologizing for unintentionally burying a lead like that. "I just expected ... I don't know what I expected. I just want to help figure something out." Which is, maybe, not entirely true. He knows he expected to be told 'just let me handle it,' but he doesn't know how to tell Korra why he feels that way. It's not even a conversation he's certain he's comfortable having with himself.

"But if you want to come with me, I like that. It's not like I want to end up under the table. It's just that sometimes we, I-- you know. End up wandering in that direction out of habit without realizing it's not an ideal decision. Maybe together is better. The only thing I'm really good at is totally out of the question. So whatever I do, at least if it's with you, that'd make me happy."

[unrestraint]

"At least you're still good at something," Korra says with a sigh, bringing her palm up to her forehead and rubbing hard in frustration, as though stimulating her brain enough might help to bring the rest of her bending back. So far, nothing. So far, even controlling the air around them is an almost Herculean task, limited to small bursts that she occasionally manages to punch out. "What good am I to this place? Can't read, can't cook, can't use these machines that are all over the place, can't even bend."

Her lips purse, arms crossing over her chest as her head tilts. "You know, I still don't like how we're forced to keep quiet about our bending. It's like... everything that I'm afraid that Republic City would have become under Amon. Only a few benders left, and all of them too afraid to show the world what they can do. Bending is awesome. And yeah, it sucks that not everyone can do it, I guess, but just because that not everyone can do an awesome thing doesn't mean that everyone should keep quiet about it, right? Ugh. Do you really think that we'd get in a ton of trouble if we used a bit of it? It could help us get work, right? I mean. If I ever manage to control my airbending."

[uncritical]

"You're good at lots of things," he argues, if a little weakly at the end, because really, Korra does have a point. Blind optimism won't help them. She's yet to totally acclimate herself to city life to begin with -- this city is only like Republic City in the way that any cities share something in common that give them that name.

Bolin leans back into the cradle of the couch cushions.

"I don't like it either. I'd rather be who I am. Proudly. Believe me, Korra. It's kept us away from trouble so far, but I know you, and I know that it should be your decision whether we keep it to ourselves or not. I told you before -- I'm your friend, but you're also my Avatar. And maybe people don't think that way anymore, but it's still important to me. If you think we should stop tip-toeing around bending, then I'm with your decision."

With a puff of breath, Bolin tries to blow the stubborn forelock off of his brow with little success. "And I'm with you with your airbending, too. As much as I possibly can be. Given that it's pretty much the polar opposite of, you know ... earthbending. But I mean, okay, so this is a long-shot but ... have you thought about maybe that you sort of already know airbending? I mean, think about it. Aang was an airbender. And you're sort of Aang, but not really. So."

[unrestraint]

Glancing in Bolin's direction, Korra tilts her head with a slight wrinkle of her nose, expression searching. Even though she's certainly had exposure to all four elements, in many ways she's starting to regret her approach to mastering the bending practices, one which mostly ever focused on the physical without considering the ways an element could be applied. She's never given any thought to the natural tendencies of water or fire, to the way that waves smoothly glance around any surface or the inconstant flicker of flame — at least, not before Tenzin requested some greater attention from her.

Float like the leaf.

"Yeah, well," she mumbles, forehead wrinkled in thought. "I'm Water Tribe, so you'd think that with water being my first element, I'd be closer to airbending than you, but honestly... if it were possible for you to be the Avatar, I'm willing to bet you'd get air before me. You're always so light on your feet. I kind of like to force everything." Rolling her head back with another sigh, Korra runs her fingers through her hair, tugging lightly at turns.

"And yeah, I have totally thought about consulting past Avatars, but there's the whole meditating-usually-comes-before-the-Avatar-State deal, and you know how well that's going. I guess I could also put myself in mortal peril, but. I'd rather not rely on that."

[uncritical]

Mako doesn't actually need to be in the room for Bo to hear Mako's retort about what would happen if Bolin had been the Avatar, and the voice in his head is enough to draw a wry smile out of him, and a soft sigh of consideration. Korra's problem is something he wants to help her with, more than almost anything. It's the how that's frustrating. But no amount of frustration, he thinks, would be enough for him to set the problem aside like it isn't his. Like he doesn't have to be just as concerned about it.

"I learned how to bend in a totally different way than you. And for totally different reasons, with totally different goals. I hate to sound like Tenzin, only 'cause sounding like Tenzin is Tenzin's job, but maybe we both need to free up our minds and stop thinking we know what we think we know ... and start thinking about bending differently. Maybe you could meditate on that. I'll do it with you."

But Bolin is convinced. Aang's got to have the answer to what Amon did to Korra. And somewhere in Korra is Aang.

[unrestraint]

If nothing else, Korra's memory of her first probending training session with Bolin is more than enough to convince her of the truth of his statements. His type of bending is different. His reasons for bending and the end results have always been different. In many ways, learning probending has helped Korra's understanding of bending overall as a practice; it only stands to reason that the other way around would apply as well. Lips pressed thinly together, she nods, the gesture resolute — even if this doesn't lead them directly to a solution, the two of them can improve one another through teamwork and by sharing one another's strengths.

"We could teach each other. And I mean, I'm not just saying this to get out of meditating or whatever, since I think we definitely — I definitely — still need to do that," Korra says, tilting her head back and forth in thought. "But the two of us can teach each other more of what we know. The only reason I became a decent probender was because you started showing me the ropes and helped me think about bending in a totally different way than the White Lotus did for all those years. It's worth a shot. Definitely."

[uncritical]

"I would love to learn from you," Bolin says, enthusiasm growing as he looks at her, reaching out to rest his palms on Korra's knees. "What you know isn't gone, even if for now your connection to the other elements is. You still mastered three out of four. You still have all that practice with those forms. There's no probending here, so maybe it's time to focus on something else to make sure we get back home safe, and I'm sure you can make my earthbending better. By tons. You're the most brilliant bender I've ever known."

Which is more than true. Most of what he can do he modified off of whatever he picked up from watching street scuffles as a kid, and from Mako, and even from old Toza when he felt the patience for it. He's never learned squat from an actual master bender. He gives her knees a firm squeeze with his fingers.

"And you're amazing in general, too. I know we can get this all figured out. You're gonna do great, Korra."

[unrestraint]

"Oh, come on," Korra replies, cheeks flushing deeper as she glances down for a moment, weighed by Bolin's praise. However happy his words make her, Korra just isn't sure that she can completely agree with his statement. "You must have met better benders. I mean, I don't even want to think about trying to earthbend against you or firebend against Mako, although I do think I could probably kick your asses in combat alone." She looks up with a cheeky grin.

"But like... there's Lin, there's Master Tenzin, and man, you haven't seen waterbending until you've met Master Katara. I mean, I'm sure I could still teach you, and you me, but I think it's more give and take than you're admitting to right now." Korra grins, letting her own hands drop heavily on top of Bolin's, curling underneath and squeezing them tight against her palms. "Having you find me those months ago is probably the best thing that's ever happened to me."

[uncritical]

"Well, okay, maybe, sure. Maybe. Everything Tenzin does looks awesome and I would give my right hand to be half as talented as Ms. Beifong, but in my eyes ... you're still the best I see, Korra. You're the coolest thing I've ever met." He makes no comment on an earthbending match between himself and Korra. She'd win for sure. He could just never get that serious. And Mako's just ... something else. There's a reason he's team captain.

But her hands on his put everything back into perspective, moving the argument over bending over to where it belongs, essentially forgotten over things that are and will always be more important to Bo. He squeezes back, still smiling broadly.

"Nobody's every said anything like that about me and my brother before. But that's why you're one-of-a-kind. And that's why I want to return the favor so bad, Korra. Because you stuck with us no matter what. You believed we could make it to the top even when we were ready to throw in the towel. Remember?"

It certainly seems like a lifetime ago, after everything that happened after the arena was attacked. But Bolin was thinking about it nightly, when he was stuck here all alone.

[unrestraint]

At once, the memories seem impossibly distant and close enough to taste, and every bone in Korra's body aches in memory of the probending matches they used to have. She misses the feeling of being so close to the elements, she misses having other people to share that passion with her, misses the sheer pleasure of hitting one another so fast that it bruises. Having multiple people enjoy that together, even. But there's one thing that doesn't feel far from her in the slightest, and that's the faith that she has in both Mako and Bolin, a faith which seems to run as deeply as the elements ever have. She knew they could make it back to the top — she still thinks that the three of them would have won the tournament, had rules been fair and square.

There were more important things in the moment, of course. She doesn't forget that either.

"Well, you stuck with me while I was at my lowest," Korra offers in return, and light though she tries to make the shrug on her shoulders, there are deeper implications that she doesn't even know how to breach. Things she doesn't know how to say at all. "I probably wouldn't still be fighting if you hadn't, I — well. I won't get into that." Her hands still clutch tightly at Bolin's as she glances down, lips quirked in something of a grin that doesn't quite make it all the way into her chest.

"We'll make the best of things, though. I know we will."